Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Learn from me - and win $150!

This is sponsored content from BlogHer and The Laughing Cow.

When I first decided to start running over a year and a half ago, I was PETRIFIED of looking stupid.

At the time, I couldn't do a lot about my weight, my gait, or even my pace...but I could make sure that I looked as cute as possible before beginning my run. This meant cute hair bands, full face of make-up (which for me, is not a lot anyway), and of course, cute socks.

The gym that I worked out at had a line of treadmills about 10 inches away from bay windows at the front of the gym. Any passerby or person on an elliptical, stair stepper, rowing machine, or stationary bike would be looking at me, my fat hiney, and its ever-creeping underwear. To be specific, they'd actually be seeing me run for a few seconds, decrease the machine's speed to a crawl, gasp for air while simultaneously trying to pull out a wedgie, and increase the speed to a light jog to start running again (only to have the full cycle repeated).

For the good of all the gym members, I decided to start my running career with running outside. I wanted to be able to change my pace as I needed to - rather than running inside my gym on a treadmill. The added benefit being that any wandering underwear could be put into place as inconspicuously as possible.

At the time, I lived in an urban area, although not quite as busy as where I live now. I'd throw on some running clothes, tie my hair back in a ponytail, shut my door and run up a few streets to the main Highlands drag and then turn around and run back. At first, I couldn't do the whole distance without feeling like my lungs had been set on fire. Seriously, at the risk of sounding like Seinfeld, WHAT is the DEAL with that burning feeling in your lungs when you first start running?

To try to distract my mind from wondering how "real" runners didn't collapse and dry heave on the side of the road on a regular basis, I decided to take routes that were diverse. Along the way, I'd encounter a few stoplights, liquor stores (which allowed me to play the game of "Guess what liquid is spilled all over the ground today!"), and tempting smells. The local bakery with fresh baked bread smells wafting had me salivating even as I was trying to gasp for breath.

But the coffee shop was my favorite. Just smelling the perky brew made me feel a tad less sleepy - especially since I usually wasn't quite all the way awake.

This was especially true one time on my return trip back to the house. I was running down a long street and came to the point where I typically cross the street, when I SWEAR I heard someone shout my name.

"ANNE!"

The fact that I could hear that above my current song (Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now" if you're curious) meant, to me, that someone needed me badly.

I glanced around but didn't stop. I even turned down my music in an attempt to figure out if I was just hearing things or if there really was someone trying to call to me.

"ANNE!" - I heard it again!

So, still trying to cross the street, I looked around me with more fervor - scanning up and down the street for anyone or anything that looked like they were trying to call to me. I didn't see any one who looked like they were trying to get in touch with me...

...and then ran straight into a parked van.

Yes, that's right folks, I ran FACE FIRST straight into a parked utility van.

After bouncing off said van, ponytail askew, I did the whole cartoon double take where they shake their head to clear their thoughts.

Once the little stars had faded, I quickly looked around to see if anyone saw me. Nope. No one. I was in the clear. Woo hoo!

I started jogging again thinking how glad I was that no one saw me and that's when I heard a faint rumbling and purring...like a loud cat. I looked to the right (I still hadn't passed the van fully) and realized that the van's motor was running.

Someone was in the van! And by the look on his face, I could tell that he was just as surprised to have a tall redhead run into his van as I was.

To my recollection, Miss Manners hadn't exactly covered this type of situation, so I really wasn't sure what to do.

So, I did the only thing that came to my befuddled mind: I smiled, waved, and kept running.

In the end, that's what real runners do, right?

To this day, I still don't know what I heard that might have sounded like my name... but wouldn't it be funny if it was someone shouting something like, "Watch out for that parked VAN!"?

Since then, I have realized that when I end up completely red-faced after a great run, it doesn't do any good to put on make-up in the first place. The cute hair bands don't hold my ponytail as well as grippy ones, and the cute socks slide down my feet while running - making my gait anything but gazelle-like. And for the love of all that's holy, I've learned to steer clear of parked vans. Which really, is probably a pretty good rule of thumb anyway.

See Mom? I have learned.

Now here's your chance to win a $150 Visa Card - for you to spend on anything you wish!

Share a funny story, video clip, picture etc. in the comment section and you will be entered to win $150! You should also visit The Daily Laugh hub to read funny content each day and for weekly chances to win $100 at the "Play For Laughs" game. ANNND if you share something REALLY funny, they may even use it in The Daily Laugh! This month's sweepstakes run from 7/21 to 8/15. And if that's not enough, when you visit the hub, you can check out the other Laughing Cow reviewer bloggers for 11 more chances to win $150!

Still reading? Obviously, you're one of those people who is a stickler for rules and regulations.
* No duplicate comments. (In other words: NO CHEATING)
* You may receive an additional entry by linking on Twitter and leaving a link in the comments.
* You may receive an additional entry by blogging about this contest and leaving a link in the comments.
* Please keep your comments G-rated as any profanity or offensive content will automatically disqualify you from sweepstakes entry.
* This giveaway is open to US Residents, aged 18 and older.
* Winners will be selected via random draw, and will notified by e-mail.
* You have 48 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.
* You can read the official rules here.
* Contest ends 8/15/2010

Now come on! Share something FUNNY and win some MONEY!

The winner has been contacted!

53 comments:

  1. funny!

    My daughter and I like to come up with phrases for the next new version of Wii Fit which we imagine will be called "We fat to Wii Fit" and be marketed primarely towards morbily obese individuals and families that are naturally good-natured and funny (because fat = jolly, right?)

    Instead of "oomph" or "great!" when you step on, it will say "OMIGODWOMANWHATDIDYOUEAT?" or "One at a time please." When it calculates your BMI it'll ask "Are you sure you really wanna know?" Or "No, those pants don't make your butt look big - your big butt makes your big butt look big"

    At then end of the session when you step off the board it say "whew" and if it was really good workout it might say "today seems like a good day to take up drinking."

    We find these ideas to be hilarious, but somehow hubby doesn't think we should contact the manufacturers just yet.

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  2. This weekend a close friend of mine and I participated in the Great Urban Race - Toronto. The race is a scaled down version of the amazing race where you set out in teams of two to complete 12 challenges on foot and/or public transit.

    There is a costume element of the race...we made Mexican costumes that even included baby piñatas. For me the best part of the day was to run around our city dressed in silly costumes, watching the reactions of drivers and pedestrians.

    Some laughed, some stared, some asked questions…quite a few honked! We had a blast…I woke up the next morning wanting to wear that costume more than anything!

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  3. I don't know any funny stories!

    :)

    Except here's cute one: http://www.flickr.com/photos/misspudding/3128801283/

    Story behind that was that we got, like, three feet of snow in two weeks. Anthony went sledding down our driveway using...the mudmat from the trunk of my Honda. Yup. We Pacific Northwesterners don't get a whole lot of snow. Have to take advantage of these things when we can. :)

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  4. Well, you are a better person than me (for many reason...but this is the reason I am listing).I do not run...and that is because I have never been chased by bears (and, really, if you and I were being chased, then you would be safe and I would be a slow snack) and walking is hard enough for me. I would show you a photo of a scar from my latest fall, but it is still not healed (3 months later), so that is gross and not funny. But let's just say that when people fall down out here, I have had three different people call it "pulling a Rachel." Not really sure that that is the legacy that I want to leave the good people of Mississippi, but there you go.

    All of that is to say that I think it is awesome how great you are doing, I never want to go jogging amongst bears with you (especially if they are hungry), and keep on learning :)

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  5. That is/was a hysterical story. I can't even imagine slamming into a van and walking or running away from it, at least not without tears streaming down my face.

    And I"m sharing my funny dog nose photo taken last Friday night (July 16, 2010.)

    http://thuccotash365.blogspot.com/2010/07/how-much-is-that-doggie.html

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  6. I was at the gym walking first to warm up like I always do. The gym I go to has a bunch of tvs that you can look at. The only problem is that you have to look up (not straight ahead). I must have been really into what I was watching because all of a sudden I was at the back of the treadmill on the floor. That's right, folks. I fell off of it. Pathetic. It happened so fast. I remember my foot seeming to get caught on the belt and my leg stretching really far and then I was on my knee on the floor. I attempted to go back to walking like nothing had ever happened. I never looked around or anything and didn't feel like people were looking, but it was really crowded so I know a million people saw. Thankfully no one said anything. It was humiliating enough as it is. Suddenly I felt a burning sensation on my leg like something was wrong. I didn't realize I had scraped up my knee and burned a hole through my pants. Needless to say I left early. I must have still been in shock to not feel it. I still go to that gym but try to not look at the tvs anymore.

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  7. Two funny stories in the same day...

    http://www.acrossthebranch.com/2009/04/movies-mud-mice.html

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  8. Hit a van…Love it! I can do one better. In the old days when I was young, fit and ran through the cold frigid winter weather of southern Ontario I got distracted by the softly falling snowflakes and started spinning around with my tongue out trying to catch them. My running partner thought this to be hilarious and egged me on, so I closed my eyes and kept at it only to run into a metal post, turn my head, tongue out and…let’s just say I got a bit stuck.

    What really made this laughable at the pub later that night is our recreation of my tongue out and my friend blowing on it and the pole to help warm things up enough to get loose (this happened after many a beer and was a real crowd pleaser!)

    Maybe this was why I stopped running outside. :)

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  9. The first time I lost weight, I bought a "skort" a combination skirt and shorts. First mistake. I wore it in a busy city intersection, but what I didn't know was that the wind had lifted it up and away from my butt. Cars were beeping their horns, trucks were honking. When I got to work, someone pulled me aside and whispered, "your skirt is tucked into your underwear." Yup, my butt was on display for the city to see.

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  10. I have decided, after the Navy, that I will never run again. SO YOU GO!!!! If I am being chased by a bear, I will lay down and cry. Hopefully my tears will be tooooo salty-not taste like honey- and he will let me go!!!

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  11. HAHAHA! LOVE it!!!!
    I actually have a funny cow story that happened today, but it's 'off topic' I guess LOL. (and it might not be that funny to everyone lol)

    BUT I did blog about this, so that's an entry to the sweepstakes right? Ok, here's the link!
    http://myday-tinam.blogspot.com/2010/07/win-150.html

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  12. I don’t know how funny this story is to others, but at the time I thought it was. I joined a lady’s gym when I was a teenager and there was a woman who insisted on walking around the lady’s locker room completely naked. She would go up to people and have conversations with them, stark naked. I thought it was pretty outrageous.

    mami2jcn at gmail dot com

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  13. I covered myself using tons of plastic wraps since my cousin swore that worked magically for getting fit. And of course it didn’t work out.

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  14. I can't think of anything really funny right now. My best is from the day of our wedding. Apparently a cat got into the church just before our ceremony. I guess the wedding coordinator found it and picked it up. She took it to one of our ushers and told him to 'take care of this'. He wasn't sure if he should take it outside and let it go or whack it in the head with a blunt object. Thankfully he is a nice guy and just let it go :)

    Later that day, my new sister-in-law (hubbies sister) thought it was a great idea to have the wedding party ride from the wedding to the reception in a horse-drawn carriage because we got engaged in a carriage. Normally that would be a cute idea, except we got married in the middle of July, in the midwest. Not only was it about a million degrees outside, but it had also rained that morning so the humidity was about 1000%. So while my husband and I rode around in our air conditioned limo, our poor wedding party were melting behind a stinky horse :)

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  15. ouch @ face first into the van!!:(

    Okay, this is SO embarrassing BUT I’m gonna tell it lol

    It happened quite some years ago when I lost my 70 lbs..I was exercising alot and got bored with walking only..I decided to do some aerobics and various things from a dvd I had..well, one involved laying across a coffee table using it like a weight bench almost..I had no clue our table was that flimsy or I was that heavy but it didn’t take long and BAM..I was laying on the floor on top of a broken, flattened coffee table:( lol

    thanks for the chance to win!

    ajoebloe(at)gmail(dot)com

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  16. Here's a good one. I've lost 125 lbs since having weight loss surgery in January, and had to wait to work out due to some complications. It was only this month that I've been able to go to the gym.

    I'm still too chicken to try a lot of the machines, but I love that they have a track around the whole gym for walkers and runners. So I go with a friend of mine and start walking the track. As I went by the weight room area, I caught just a glimpse of this woman I thought I knew. But my friend was moving pretty fast and I didn't want to fall behind, so I didn't say anything.

    On the next lap, I saw the woman again--dark, shoulder length hair and a really cute purple top. I thought I saw her looking at me as I went by, so I waved. Right then, I realized that I was catching a glimpse in an angled mirror in the weight room, and that I was waiving at myself. I'd lost so much weight, I didn't even recognize myself! I'm sure that the people around me wondered why I was waiving at the mirror, because I got a few strange looks (including one from my friend when I explained why I was waiving to no one). No wonder I thought "her" shirt was cute--I bought it myself!

    A little embarrassing, and a little stupid, but also a little nice, right?

    audrastauf@comcast.net

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  17. My friend and I used to go rollerblading at the beach. As I was blading, I got distracted by a good looking guy playing volleyball. I rolled right off the sidewalk and into the sand; went face first into a bench and chipped my front teeth. So not only did I embarass myself in front of the good looking guy; I had to walk around with a chipped front tooth for a week until I could get into the dentist.

    Milissa
    mmburdette22@yahoo.com

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  18. My embarrassing workout moment was when I was running outdoors (well, more so jogging to be honest lol) and saw two cute guys on the other side of the street so to impress them I started sprinting (even though I was already out of breath) and blasted my ipod music to gear me up. I guess I was so focused on trying to assume proper sprint form and pumping it up that I sort of zoned out from reality because I literally ran into a bus stop sign. It was so humiliating I ran all the way back home as those guys smirked at my mishap! ahh!

    dreamzz12{at]aol{dot]com

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  19. http://deegee13.xanga.com/730672918/the-laughing-cow-contest-time/

    blogged

    dreamzz12{at}aol{dot|com

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  20. http://twitter.com/DeeGee13/status/19520353607

    tweeted!

    dreamzz12[at}aol{dot]com

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  21. I definitely ran off the treadmill last week when I tried to look at my Ipod for too long! Youch! scg00387 at yahoo dot com

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  22. scg00387 at yahoo dot com

    http://twitter.com/DesMoinesDealin/status/19540492892

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  23. I have a funny story to share about an all-out argument regarding the house used as the Tanner's house in Full House. (Can I possibly use the word house any more in this post?)

    Check it out!
    http://kristi-tanooki2.blogspot.com/2009/08/full-house-house-sham.html

    Tanooki2 at aol dot com

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  24. I don't have anything to share that's funny...and personal, but here's a link to one of the funniest video's ever.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sob3VyQ-bt4&feature=related

    Gotta Love Tony Little
    projectlookgoodnaked@gmail.com
    www.projectlookgoodnaked.blogspot.com

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  25. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  26. OK, now I'm just wondering what Karina posted that was so bad it got removed!

    One time I was at the gym and I saw an old friend on a treadmill. None of the other 9 treadmills were taken, incidentally. Anyway, cut to me getting on the one next to him and realizing it was a total stranger...a stranger who was wondering why the hell I had to be RIGHT next to him when there were only like 5 people there at all...embarrassing. Yep.

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  27. I'm sure we've all had them...those moments that last forever in your memory. The ones where you prayed to never see the innocent bystanders EVER again.

    I have been thinking a lot about when my boys were younger, man I miss those days. I thought it was so hard at the time, but I would love to have those days back. Life was simple, and they were simply embarrassing kids!

    Don't believe me?

    I now submit for evidence: Article A - The Airport
    When the boys were young we traveled to and from NC to visit with the Grands. Due to my husbands work schedule and our need to see them every three months (lucky aren't they), I took most of these trips alone.

    You may have seen me there, I was the one running to make my connection pushing a double stroller with about 60 lbs of weight sitting in it (I had some chunksters), rolling 2 bags of carry-on, a stuffed diaper bag, and 2 car seats around my shoulders! Oh yeah, and I was probably crying!

    So on the way home from one of these lovely trips we are standing in line at the gate getting ready to board the plane, and I'm holding J's hand and have JJ on my hip. Suddenly I hear JJ say "Look J I found band-aids in mommy's pocket book" to which J quickly starts yelling "I wanna band-aid too mom, I want one, I want one". So I am frantically digging in my purse trying to find the band-aids when I realize, I never carry band-aids in my purse. I curiously looked up at JJ to find that he had unwrapped a pad and stuck it to his forehead! I thought I was going to die! I quickly ripped it from his head and shoved it in my purse. I'm not sure how many people witnessed my humiliation, I kept my head down and my eyes forward, and yes I prayed "Lord, please don't ever let me see these people again", so far , so good!
    (keepinitcheap AT hotmail.com)

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  28. I'm sure we've all had them...those moments that last forever in your memory. The ones where you prayed to never see the innocent bystanders EVER again.

    I have been thinking a lot about when my boys were younger, man I miss those days. I thought it was so hard at the time, but I would love to have those days back. Life was simple, and they were simply embarrassing kids!

    Don't believe me?

    I now submit for evidence: Article A - The Airport
    When the boys were young we traveled to and from NC to visit with the Grands. Due to my husbands work schedule and our need to see them every three months (lucky aren't they), I took most of these trips alone.

    You may have seen me there, I was the one running to make my connection pushing a double stroller with about 60 lbs of weight sitting in it (I had some chunksters), rolling 2 bags of carry-on, a stuffed diaper bag, and 2 car seats around my shoulders! Oh yeah, and I was probably crying!

    So on the way home from one of these lovely trips we are standing in line at the gate getting ready to board the plane, and I'm holding J's hand and have JJ on my hip. Suddenly I hear JJ say "Look J I found band-aids in mommy's pocket book" to which J quickly starts yelling "I wanna band-aid too mom, I want one, I want one". So I am frantically digging in my purse trying to find the band-aids when I realize, I never carry band-aids in my purse. I curiously looked up at JJ to find that he had unwrapped a pad and stuck it to his forehead! I thought I was going to die! I quickly ripped it from his head and shoved it in my purse. I'm not sure how many people witnessed my humiliation, I kept my head down and my eyes forward, and yes I prayed "Lord, please don't ever let me see these people again", so far , so good!
    (keepinitcheap AT hotmail.com)

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  29. Lol loved the story. Heres mine: Love your story, it will be a funny thing to tell baby someday ;) One of my most embarrassing stories involved me in a show, I work in theatre a lot and since costume wasn't done until last minute, so during rehearsal I always had to "pretend" to curtsy in my dress, which was a very long and bulky dress, much longer and bigger than my real dress would be on show night. So once the show started and I was finally in my costume dress, no more pretending with a long bulky gown, I had to actually curtsy with a shorter more sleek ballgown. Well, I wasn't used to wearing a shorter ball gown, and when it came time to curtsy, I did. I heard a few chuckles, but didn't think any thing of it. Next, it came time for me to "bow" to the prince in the show, and when I did, I was met with more giggles, not to mention the Prince's eyes just about popped out of my head. What was everyone laughing at?? I didn't get it. When I walked off stage when my scene was over, my director ran over to me and said in a frantic voice "Amber, you're pulling the dress up high, and showing the entire audience your underwear and stockings!". I just about fell over with embarrassment. I was so used to curtsying big and heavy with the larger dress that I had forgotten that I could do it lighter and less pronounced with my brand new dress. But the show must go on! So for the rest of the show, I didn't curtsy ;)

    shevilkenevil1 at aol dot com

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  30. I tweeted too:
    http://twitter.com/lipstickncandy/status/19909365190

    shevilkenevil1 at aol dot com

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  31. I tripped and fell off the treadmill last week when I was watching a good looking guy walk by. And, yes, he noticed me too after that - Ugh!

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  32. After the birth of my daughter, I decided to spend the money and join the gym nearby that had free babysitting while Moms were working out. I was rushing around, trying to make the 11am aerobics class and I was stuffing my bag with my workout clothes, my shoes, and another bag with baby essentials so I could get there on time.

    Racing out the door, I just make it in time to drop off my daughter and run to the locker room and swap out my clothes for my workout shorts. Being late, I got the spot right in front of the class..ugh! It wouldn't have been so bad except I happened to grab the pair of workout shorts the darn dog had decided to eat the crotch out of. I did the entire class with a gaping hole in the back of my shorts and my underwear hanging out!

    Needless to say I started checking the shorts to make sure the dog hadn't used them as a Scooby Snack before I left the house.

    Then there was the time we went to the local waterpark and I decided to ride the inner tube down the slides. As I'm going down the hill with my butt in the middle of one of those huge inner tubes, I "bottomed out" and felt a pinch. When I got to the bottom I stood up and felt my rear and felt SKIN! There was a sharp piece of concrete on that slide and it ripped the back of my bathing suit wide open. Now I had to figure out how to get out of the water without showing the world my fanny! Of course, my husband and children were nowhere to be found.
    shel704 at aol dot com

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  33. Tweeted:
    http://twitter.com/auntiethesis/status/19973365882

    shel704 at aol dot com

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  34. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  35. I'm a teacher. Reading student papers can be--enlightening. One student wrote an essay about visiting a doctor with a huge ego problem. She said he had a "Pre-Madonna attitude."

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  36. Tweet-a-tweet-tweet!
    http://twitter.com/Ida_Sessions/status/20106470521

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  37. Several years ago, I planned to play tennis with a friend. I wanted to sport a tan, even though it was early in the season. I bought what I thought was a sunless tanner. It was more of a body make-up. I put it all over my arms, legs, neck, and face. I met my friend at the tennis court. It started to rain a bit, but it was not enough to make me stop playing. I noticed people looking at me strangely as they walked to the courts. I figured it was nothing and kept playing. When I got in my car, I discovered that the "tan" had been hit by just enough rain drops to make me polka dotted! Blush!!! I guess they never saw a "Dalmatian" play tennis before!

    patrice@everydayruralty.com

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  38. http://twitter.com/keepinitcheap/status/20529378525

    Tweeted! Thanks so much for the chance!

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  39. Hmm.nothing too funny I wanna share! But I did fall flat on my face in the Target parking lot and looked up at my then 15 year old and yelled "why didn't you catch me??" Poor guy.

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  40. I love this comic about exercise:
    http://www.ahajokes.com/crt025.html

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  41. I remember accidently farting in front of my date on my way out of Red Robin. I stepped down from a curb and out it came. That was horrifying ,I was so embarrased! kytah00@yahoo.com

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  42. BLOGGED ABOUT GIVEAWAY @ http://hypnoticblend.blogspot.com/p/sponsored-giveaways.html kytah00@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  43. TWEETED GIVEAWAY @ http://twitter.com/kytah00/status/20681526494 kytah00@yahoo.com

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  44. My kitten likes to sit on the Gazelle machine and pretend he's exercising.
    fawn@mycomspan.com

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  45. My family and I decided to go tubing down the Chattahoochee River on a leisurely vacation in Helen, Georgia. My five year old son was attached safely to my husband's tube and my twelve year old daughter was sharing a ride with me. We were enjoying our serene float down the river when suddenly I heard a woman yelling, "Help, Bubba, help"! I saw her struggling under her tube as it flipped over her head and despite being in a crowd of people, no one was coming to her rescue. So naturally, I knew I would have to save her from drowning. I held tightly on to my daughter's raft with one hand, and swam over to the frightened, drowning woman. I wrestled to get her to shore and she just kept screaming, "Where's Bubba? I can't swim!" Then as I was dragging her to the shore, my shoe fell off and started floating down the river. The rocks were slippery, the woman was heavy, the water was rushing, and I was still trying to hold on to my child on the tube with my spare hand. Just as I was loosing my grip, a man came over to assist me. I only assumed it was "Bubba" and then I couldn't help it but I was overcome by the water's rush and I started to float away from the woman. The man was near her at the water's edge so I had a good feeling she would be ok. I struggled, panting at this point, to get back on our tube. Soaking wet, exhausted, and shoeless, I made it to safety. As I sat there breathing heavy, I noticed my little black mule floating down the river. Someone in the crowd yelled, "There goes her shoe!" So holding tightly to my son, my husband paddled their tube over to the shoe and plucked it out of the river. The crowd burst out into applause! They were all cheering, "He saved the shoe! He saved the shoe!" No one ever mentioned the fact that I saved a woman from drowning. At the end of the excursion, I put my shoe on and made a squish, clop sound all the way back to our hotel.

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  46. I've been going on morning walks with girlfriends. We bring our dogs for the exercise too. But the puppy of the group... after about a mile he goes kaput. The dog seriously dragged his back legs behind him for half a mile before returning to a normal jog. It was funny to us but everyone else on the loop... not so funny.
    (shutterboo at gmail dot com)

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  47. Seeings how my brother is a lawyer I remember him telling me this story. I found it on the internet this is the story:

    A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

    I thought it was cute and funny. And I LOVE laughing cow!

    She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.

    You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

    The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

    She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

    At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"

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  48. I have two stories that could qualify:

    http://clydesdaleproject.blogspot.com/2010/08/clyde-to-rescueagain.html

    http://clydesdaleproject.blogspot.com/2010/06/yes-i-saved-my-familyagain.html

    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  49. Tweeted

    Gainedweight Great contest - http://funpants-reviews.blogspot.com/2010/07/learn-from-me-and-win-150.html
    8 minutes ago via web

    Unknowndieter@gmail.com

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  50. I don't have a lot of funny stories, but my husband always makes me laugh. I have always struggled with my weight. At a particularly bothersome time when I was sad about how "fat" I was, my hubby said, "Why do you care? You're married now." It totally cracked me up and made me forget my sorrows.

    My friend and I at work always say it now, from a bad hair day to coming to work without make-up. We're married now. :-)

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  51. Years ago shortly after my husband and I were married we took the kids to the grocery store. My son [6] and my daughter [4] were from my first marriage, but my husband was [and is] just like their real dad to them. Anyway...the kids were up ahead of us, walking close to the parked cars to stay out of traffic and as both of us watched my daughter walked smack dab right into the side of a parked pick up truck and fell straight back onto the ground.

    I looked at my husband - he looked and me and I blurted out [with my hand held high] "I swear I did not drink with her when I was pregnant."

    He burst out laughing because this kid was forever doing stuff like this. [She was fine btw and leaves for college in one week. :)]

    skippyaveo AT gmail.com

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  52. [this is a real conversation I had with my mother}
    Mom: I can tell you're losing weight.
    Me: Really? Because I can't see it anywhere.
    Mom: No you're definitely losing. You have a neck now.
    Me: See, I'm pretty sure I've always had a neck.
    Mom: Of course you had a neck one... it just wasn't visible.
    Me: Never knew you felt that way about my neck.
    Mom: It's a compliment.
    Me: Really? You've got a future in motivational speaking for sure.
    Mom: Your neck looks really good now.
    Me: How would you know? You've never seen it before... allegedly.
    Mom: I didn't say I've never seen your neck.
    Me: Do you remember approximately the last time you saw my neck? And what was it wearing?
    Mom: In 2005 when we went to St. Thomas. I was just looking at those pictures the other day. You looked great!
    Me: Did I look great? Or did I just have a neck? Is it the same thing?
    Mom: Oh good God is this going to become a bit.
    Me: No. I'm concerned that a part of my anatomy was missing for 5 years.
    Mom: Oh stop. You're doing fantastic! Look at your legs. Your knees!
    Me: My knees? Have they been missing too?
    Mom: You're ridiculous.
    Me: Maybe they were having an illicit affair with my neck back in St. Thomas.

    ReplyDelete
  53. The first thing that came to mind is a funny kid comment (I'm a teacher).

    We were doing a project where the kids needed to come up with a symbol to represent every month of the year (special events in their life, holidays, vacations...etc) . For the second graders this was a bit challenging at times, especially for one little guy. He looked like he was struggling and he came to me for help, with a very serious tone he asked "What month is July 4th in?" I did all I could to not laugh! I repeated his question slowly a few time, stressing "JULY". His face was priceless when he figured it out and yelled "JULY"!!!

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