Thursday, September 16, 2010

A Little Humor (and a chance to win $150)

This is sponsored content from BlogHer and The Laughing Cow.
This month, the people at Laughing Cow and BlogHer asked me to share a crazy health craze or miracle diet that I've tried.

And I hate to say this, but I can't think of one.

I can think of eleventy hundred.

The years of yo-you dieting have surely taken a toll on me and my wallet...but what good is spending all that money, if I can make a joke out of it?  So without further ado, feel free to learn from my mistakes.

For starters, have you ever heard of the "no white foods diet?"  Yes. This is one where you can eat anything you want - it just can't be white.  Or made from something that is white.  Since I don't cook much, I don't really know what has white ingredients in things...so it probably wasn't as helpful as it could've been.  Let's just say, I ate my weight in milk chocolate - which technically isn't white.  That diet TOTALLY didn't work.

Ooh!  And the All Natural Diet?  It's one where you don't eat anything that can't be found in its natural state.  I learned from the previous diet and stayed away from chocolate.  Sugar was processed and therefore out.  So was bread.  So were any sort of spices or sauces to put on veggies or proteins.  I stopped that diet before I died of starvation.  I think I lasted 6 hours.

As long as we're talking about health crazes, what about the infomercials on late night TV?  I drew the line at buying Tony Little's Gazelle (alright, I secretly totally wanted one) but ended up buying a little plastic thing that you were supposed to step on and it would magically tone your thighs and calves.  How did I know?  The infomercial told me.  You'll be happy to know that that is the one time I actually sent a product back to get a replacement.  Sadly, that gadget didn't do much except collect dust in my living room.  What?  They said that if you bought it, you would tone and lose weight.  That didn't happen.  Buyer beware!

Throughout the years of getting healthier, I've learned that the only thing that works is having a well balanced diet - everything in moderation works for me.  I've been successful - keeping off more than 50 pounds in 2 years.  I have a ways to go, but I feel like my path towards a healthier mind, body, and spirit is becoming less of a challenge and more of a joy.

But if that doesn't continue to work, I'm totally calling up Tony Little.  Say what you want, but that man knows how to rock a mullet.

Now it's your turn - share something funny and you could win a $150 Visa card!

Share a funny story, video clip, picture etc (does not have to be health or fitness related!) in the comment section and you will be entered to win $150.  Please keep your comments G-rated as any profanity or offensive content will automatically disqualify you from sweepstakes entry.  You should also Visit The Daily Laugh hub (see link below) to read funny content each day and for weekly chances to win $100 at the “Play For Laughs” game. If you share something really funny, we may even use it in The Daily Laugh!

Click here for the full rules.

Want more chances to win? Visit the The Daily Laugh hub and comment on the other funny bloggers and their cooking/eating mishaps.

37 comments:

  1. The greatest modern invention for fast and easy weight loss? It's free, it's automatic, and it's contagious. That's right, I'm talking about H1N1.

    A friend of mine told me that her husband had contracted H1N1, and how miserable he was. Also dehydrated, completely nauseous, and unable to keep food down in any direction.

    I asked her if she was going to go to a hotel and quarentee her hubby so that she didn't get it. She sighed and said, "Well, I can't leave him on his own as bad off as he is. Besides if I do get it I will finally lose those last 15 lbs."

    So there's your answer to the weirdest weight loss I've ever heard of.

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  2. These guys? THEY know how to rock a mullet.

    http://rhettandlink.com/videos/#fireworkssong-remastered

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  3. I thought I had seen it all until I saw the informercial for the "Shake Weight". I was horrified and laughed through the whole thing. Then came the day when I had to hang my head in shame as my sister-in-law came over to show off her fabulous new weightloss tool; the Shake Weight.

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  4. In 2007, I had decided to go from dial-up to broadband! That way I could surf faster, and then have time for exercising. After the dude was done in the crawl space, I realized he left the hole in the floor open for my dear children to fall into. So I carefully put the board over the hole, pushed on it with my hands and thought to myself, "Self! I wonder if that is secure enough to prevent my precious babies from falling into the crawlspace." So I stood up, put only ONE foot into the middle of the board, braced myself on the door frame (the hole was in the closet) for safety, and put all of my obese weight in the middle of the board.

    Apparently, it was not secure enough for my precious babies, nor my arse. The board was secure on two corners, but the other two corners, not so much. I looked over to my left and my left food was still firmly planted on the floor, shoulder level, while the right side of my body dangled above the floor of the crawl space. I was in pain. I was dangling from my pajama pants that caught on one of the corners of the board. I was trapped. My dear kindergarten son was in the room. "Oh son. Could you bring me the phone? Mama is in a bit of a bind." Dear son said, and I quote, "Hang on. I'm in the middle of a game."

    So as the game was finishing, I was able to somehow get myself out of the floor. I was on my back, outside of the closet, behind the dresser (that belonged in the closet), in some pretty major pain. I called my husband. He said he was sure his boss wouldn't let him leave. So I called his boss. His boss sent him home to take me to the emergency room.

    When I talked to one of my dear friends, who I had not seen for years, she said, "Exactly how much weight HAVE you gained?"

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  5. We did the Breast Cancer 3-day walk (walked over 60 miles in 3 days) a couple of years back & boy oh boy did we get blisters on our toes; funnily enough never in training, but they came on easily enough day one of the event. We were feeling pretty sorry for ourselves too, until we heard about the lady that had blisters between her butt cheeks, seriousely? Always something worse to put your situation in perspective:-)
    ginahorkey@yahoo.com

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  6. I told my son that chips are unhealty junk food and I rarely let him to eat it.Yesteday he(eating chips): Yes Mom, I know this is junk and unhealty food but has such awesome taste! Are you agree with me?
    natatheangel at yahoo dot com

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  7. i tried dancing with the oldies when I was 10-so embarrassing. To this day when I hear some of the oldies i want to do the moves. I hate to tell people now but i did get in shape.
    flyergal82 at yahoo dot com

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  8. In Borders my son begging: Please buy me a book about inside of my nose!
    Me: Why do you need such boook?
    Son: I want to know why in such a small nose there is so much snot.
    jdrombo at yahoo dot com

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  9. Older daugher - Mommy is Kaylee's favorite snack your boob?
    Me - Yes she likes to breastfeed (at this time Kaylee stops nursing to play with my breast)
    Older daughter - Doesn't she know she's not supposed to play with her food.

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  10. I loved the picture! When I was pretty dismayed about my weight after the birth of my fourth child (I was over 40-years-old), I actually ordered a Nordic Track Elliptical--but I returned it during the trial period! I actually enjoy walking very much--I just need to do it more regularly.
    Thanks for the giveaway.
    aleq13@gmail.com

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  11. Here’s a video clip from the pilot of Community. It’s one of my favorite comedies and this scene always makes me smile. http://www.nbc.com/community/video/sharks-pencils-and-ben-affleck/1158386/

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  12. tweeted
    http://twitter.com/prizepuzzle/status/25629207089

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  13. I just love this YouTube video of the 4 laughing babies - that's great exercise right there!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yE6PNps5N9I

    nuthouse(at)centurytel(dotnet)

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  14. tweeted: http://twitter.com/KerryBishop/status/25631491509
    nuthouse(at)centurytel(dotnet)

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  15. I went on the one cup diet. You can eat anything thing you want as long as you only eat a one cup of it. So when I went to a restaurant, I would pull out my measuring cup when my food was served. I actually measured out one cup of the meal and asked for the rest in a to-go box. The servers and restaurant patrons must have had a good laugh at my strange diet.

    mmburdette22@yahoo.com

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  16. Oh my gosh, I totally did Sweatin to the Oldies when I was like 14. Why the hell did I think I needed to lose weight when I was 14?

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  17. I ask my little son to put his toys away. His answer was: Why I always must do the lame job by myself?
    iamfirestar at yahoo dot com

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  18. After watching Spongebob with my 3 year neice while riding on my TONY LITTLE GAZELLE (yeah that's right!!!) I went to get un-dressed to shower and this conversation ensued:
    her: "is your butt broken?"
    me: (think to myself-well its not pretty but its definately fully functional) "no im getting skinny"
    her: "well my said we had to throw away my cup because there was a crack in it and it was broken. And thats a big crack."
    me: no words. completely dumbfounded. not sure if was the shower that was washing down on me or my river of tears.

    no, I didn't cry, but almost. it was pretty funny after the fact. way after the fact.

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  19. In high school my best friend and I went on the ice cream diet where we ate nothing but ice cream for a week and believe it or not it worked, BUT we were only 16 then...duh!

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  20. Tweet

    http://twitter.com/jillyrh/status/26047720689

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  21. Due to medical restrictions I was not able to exercise AT ALL for many months. When at last I “suited up” to go for a walk it took me 30 minutes to dress/find the IPOD/find the shoes/fill the fanny pack and only 15 minutes of walking before I was whipped LOL
    adrianecoros(at)gmail(dot)com

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  22. tweet! http://twitter.com/LAMusing/status/26113147723
    adrianecoros(at)gmail(dot)com

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  23. When I was in Weight Watchers back in the days you had to weigh your food (25 years ago or more!) I would leave the weekly meeting and head out for a GIANT hot fudge sundae, knowing I had a week to lose the calories :)

    bingomamanorma(at)gmail(dot)com

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  24. I love your comment to the comments. why, yes, I AM commenting to be entered in the drawing, as I'm scurrying around the internet (and everywhere else) saving toward the $50,000 I need for my next professional education venture- but I'm also here laughing my a** off at the wonderful stories people are sharing here and on the other linked blogs. Even if I don't win anything, I've had a wonderful hour of company on the long and winding road to choosing health over insanity. [who was that? stop the insanity! was that susan powter? they all blend together after awhile. *sigh*]

    anajana1 [at] mac [dot] com

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  25. The other day my brother-in-law was installing a new garbage disposal on my sister's sink. Finally he had to drag out the instructions. Of course we instantly started making fun of "a man who actually reads the instructions!"

    He just grinned. I asked him if he ever stopped to ask for directions.

    He said "Never. I have a GPS."

    We had a good laugh. GPS - salvage for a man's pride! :)

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  26. Anyone old enough to remember when Jazzercise was all the rage? We were looking through some old photos a few weeks back and came across a pic of me and my sister in our Jazzercise get ups - you know, the leotard, the head band, the leg warmers - and my 6 year old wanted to know why we had scarves wrapped around our legs!

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  27. I was in high school when the Atkins Diet was "in"...nothing but protein. I took that to heart and would come home from school and make myself a steak...from a box of Filet Mignon my father had in the freezer. Boy was he angry when he found out I had consumed the entire box as "afternoon snacks".

    shel704 at aol dot com

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  28. I tried the cabbage soup diet while I was in college. Seems I'm allergic to cabbage! I found out the hard way when it gave me hives and made me throw up everytime I ate it that week. I ended up in the infirmary, dehydrated...but I did lose 15 lbs...the hard way!

    bleatham*at*gmail.com

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  29. tweet
    http://twitter.com/sleatham1/status/26241050483
    bleatham*at*gmail.com

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  30. I've tried a lot of diets over the years from weight watchers to no bread and no sugar. I've only had one embarrassing thing happen. After I moved I wanted to loss the "moving" weight fast. I did the flat belly diet which has a planned out menu for the first 4 days. There's only 1200cals and I was exercising as well. About somewhere between day two and three I got some serious diarrhea!

    It went on for the rest of day 3 and I soon decided to each whatever I wanted. Now I just have a healthy diet, and eat more when I exercise.

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  31. I highly recommend the "poverty and stress" diet. It's very easy to follow and you'll have lots of company these days.

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  32. Sadly I can add the grapefruit diet to my hall of shame. All that acid for a week made for some very uncomfortable bowel movements and some burning urine(went to the doctors twice to check for a bladder infection!)…and if I lost any weight I don’t remember keeping it off!

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  33. Running outside a few days ago on the local golf course near my house (5 a.m., veeery dark), nearly had a heart attack when I saw a strange, shiny figure looming my way. Completely came to a standstill and we both stared at each other for a second. Still wondering why this guy is so shiny.

    Note to self - mowers of a golf course prrrrobably mow in early mornings before the golfers come out. And probably wear reflective gear so other mowers/golf course workers can see them. And will probably be shiny if their golf cart is shining directly on them. Lol.

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  34. I work out every day. Probably the funniest, but also the most painful moment, was when I fell off of moving treadmill.

    pauleyd68 (at) yahoo (dot) com

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  35. My four year old who has seen me workout in our family room with a DVD program asked to do the workout herself. I set up everything and got her all prepared. Then, she sat down on the couch and said, "No you do it, Mommy." I realized then that she never once intended to do the workout herself! She just wanted to watch me!
    sazzyfrazz at gmail dot com

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  36. My husband and I were at a baseball game and since we were both dieting and that of course is almost impossible to do at a game so I convinced him that a box of Cracker Jacks weighs roughly 5 oz so we each eat the whole box we would only gain about 5 oz each then we agreed to stand up while we ate it because you know what they say "Zero calories if you stand while you eat!" We looked pretty dumb.

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  37. http://twitter.com/#!/jjudy04/status/26997066569

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